Iliad by Homer - Double Ajax Summary Book 5

Book 5 – Diomedes – Ok, my name is Diomedes, I’m on the Greek side and this is about get confusing so here’s a quick review. We’re battling the Trojans and for a series of strange reasons, the gods start to take sides in this battle. Each one has his or her own motive, but maybe they just got tired of sitting up there on Mount Olympus waiting for someone to squeeze up some more nectar. So here it is: Aphrodite, Ares and Apollo are fighting for the Trojans. Aphrodite because Paris picked her way back in that wedding fiasco and Ares because he likes war, I guess, and Aphrodite is his mom. Apollo’s involved because of that whole booty girl controversy above. Hera and Athena are fighting for the Greeks because Paris (a Trojan) didn’t pick them in the wedding bet and of course, they are the main gods of the Greeks. Zeus is trying to stay out of trouble but not doing a good job of it. To be very clear: the Greeks and the Trojans would not be fighting at all if it weren’t for the gods. Zeus started it with the whole Helen/Menelaus/Paris/Aphrodite/Hera/Athena “who’s the fairest” mess and then kept it alive with by allowing Athena and Hera to intervene to keep the action going. Repeatedly. So the crafty Pandarus wounds me in the battle, I pray to Athena who is all too ready to pitch in. She endows me with superhuman strength and I start to lay waste to the Trojan army, but she says I can only confront Aphrodite among the gods on the battlefield. That’s fine at first as I blast Aeneus, Aphrodite’s son. She comes to stop me from finishing him off so I spear her in the wrist. This sends her back to the Olympus ER but then Apollo jumps in the mix and I go after him. Athena gets pissed at me for forgetting my vow to only go after Aphrodite, but it doesn’t really matter since Apollo eats my lunch anyway. Hector and Ares on the Trojan side start to gel a bit and we are put on the defensive.  Odysseus steps up and starts to drop numerous Trojans. Next thing I know both Hera and Athena are on the battlefield fighting for the Greeks and gearing us up. Athena retracts the Only-Aphrodite rule and she and I jump into a chariot and blow up Ares, who also is forced to retreat to the Olympus ER, where in the waiting room he is made fun of by Zeus for getting wounded by a mortal. Me! Ha ha ho ho! [Don’t mention the fact that I had been given superhuman cheat codes by Athena.]